REI Adventure; My “Junk-Trunks”

Sunday I visited REI with my housemates.  I’d always directed a thrifty disinterest towards the store, as most of the items are so costly I’d not consider becoming a regular shopper.  

One of my housemates spent $72 on socks, and both insisted they were well worth the price.  Frankly, if I’m going to drop that type of money on 3 pairs of socks, they better make love to my feet.  

 

As I dilly-dallied in the store while waiting for them to complete their transactions, my eyes were opened to a whole new world of things I never knew I needed!  Garishly purple clogs, plastic egg tupperware, $90 hats.  

It was a nearly mystical experience, as consumerism goes, and I flirted with the idea of scandalizing said housemates.  I’d walk over with a pair of silk men’s underwear, loudly proclaiming to all bystanders that I had my silken “junk-trunks,” and that we could finally depart.  Doubtless I’d have been looked at askance–especially by the fake-baked valley girl in the shoe department.  

Honestly, if my nefarious plan had borne its seductive fruit, and prompted looks of indignation, I’d have upped-the-ante with an innately smarmy follow-up…something along the lines of, “I see you checking out my package.  You only wish you could stroke these smooth, supple curves.”  

Sorry Barbie, the fake-bake doesn’t work for me.   

And yeah, the REI climbing rock is blatantly phallic.  Props to them.