Purity Ring 3000

“What you need is an ironclad chastity safeguard!”

“Is this what you wanted?”

Hell yeah!

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Comedy Gold: Taking on Tyson

I recently watched the free iTunes sample of “Taking on Tyson”, a new reality show featuring Mike Tyson’s quest to enter the world of competitive pigeon racing.

No, I’m not kidding–professional pigeon racing!

You might be thinking, “That can’t be interesting,” but YOU’D BE WRONG, sucka! Tyson takes you straight into the emotional turbulence of his checkered, ear-biting past, and brings you out the other side to find the new champ, a man that is a tender-hearted lover of flying rats.  He’s actually likable.

The pilot episode included hilarious lines, but a few of which you can find in the youtube trailer for the series:

Now I could never race pigeons.  I don’t like the way they look at us, with such creepy, distracted malevolence.  If they were as big as a volkswagon, I’m sure they’d be swooping down from above, beaking people in half, or killing us with basketball sized droppings.  It’d be a regular Pigeonocalypse.  Thank God we won Mother Nature’s lottery and got the size advantage on them.

The Vikings Are Alive!

Proof (BTW, there is one use of an inappropriate word in the video, for those of you at work):

I’m just glad they’re cooking and not taking Christian slaves.  Catastrophically awesome!

So Stupid, It’s Awesome

I’m not a fan of shoes.  I’m not a fan of adulterists.  I’m not even a fan of Kanye West.  But this ridiculous commercial manages to blend all of the aforementioned into something that is hilarious.  There can be no doubt, this is how basketball was meant to be played.

Awesome Apparel Pt. 1

I had a dispute with my immediate and extended families tonight over ferrets.  My sister-in-law mentioned the unsuitability of the ferret as a pet.  I countered that it was at least suitable for a coat, which prompted looks of surprised disdain from the ladies of the family.

“You mean a mink coat?”  one queried.

“Mink, ferret, same thing,” I responded.

“Uhh, no!”

“So what you’re telling me is if I bring my wife a ferret coat, I’m going to get slapped?”

My rebuttal has now been pre-planned; “If I hadn’t told you it was a ferret, you’d have been happy!  Typical…I got it on discount!”

And look at the awesome things you can do with it:

Where was God today?

When tragedy strikes one often hears the skeptic or atheist ask the question, “Where was God (while this was happening)?”

Today people throughout the St. Louis metropolitan area have reason to turn that question around.  Given two days of unseasonably warm weather (up to 69 degrees), quite predictably the clashing cold and warm fronts caused a turbulent weather system to roll through the area, with a tornado and 50 mph winds causing extensive property damage.

They think over 25 homes were decimated in Sunset Hills, along a major stretch of road (four to five lanes) rarely ever empty.  The photos show vehicles thrown into yards and residences, and some abodes leveled clear down to the foundations.  Telephone poles are eerily slanted at 45 degree angles, and trees as large in trunk diameter at the base as a man is tall were toppled.  In Fenton, a Catholic Church and school had roofing ripped off and flung.  Roofs were ripped off homes in North St. Louis.  Yet for the devastation, the power lines knocked down, the gas mains dangerously ruptured, there were only 2 minor injuries.

Should you wish to be awed by the miraculous lack of loss of life, you should see the aerial photos from one of the many local news channels.

So where was God today?  He was hard at work keeping people safe.  For all the warm weather that brought people outdoors, no one was struck by flying debris or sucked into a tornado.  Many cars were tossed and homes leveled, but no one was in them, or in the path of their flight.  Rain preceded the wind, yet for the downed power lines and conductive puddles, no one was shocked or electrocuted.

Consider that this unseasonable storm took place when the damaged church and school were on break.  Consider that the normally busy roadway that has been shutdown for hours was free of most traffic, as people had the day off for New Year’s Eve.  If there was any time you’d want a destructive storm to strike to lessen loss of life, this day would be it.   Perfect timing.

And God was working through the news anchor that urged viewers to take their now homeless neighbors into their homes.  He was working through the Salvation Army and religious charities that were finding shelter for the displaced, and taking up collections for the family of seven who had no insurance on their devastated home.

There is a Lord in Heaven.  He has NOT forsaken his children…

Weirdness in the News

I’m not altogether sure the story I’m about to relate isn’t a complete fraud, so consider yourselves warned–in fact I’m hoping it is, as a child was reported to have died.  Allegedly, somewhere west of Paris eleven people jumped from their apartment window in an attempt to escape what they believed to be the Devil.  The incident apparently took place in a small town west of Paris, according to the U.K.’s SKY news network.

Of course, it’s not weird enough that eleven people would leap from a second-story window, but they apparently mistook a naked man who lived in the apartment with them for the devil and stabbed him prior to leaping.  To quote directly from the story:

“Thirteen people were in an apartment on the second floor when, at around 3am, one of the occupants heard his child crying,” said Odile Faivre, the deputy prosecutor in Versailles.

The man in question, of African origin, who was completely naked, got up to feed his child, at which point the other occupants took him for the devil.

‘He was seriously wounded in the hand after being stabbed with a knife before he was thrown out of the apartment, via the door.’

The 30-year-old man then tried to force his way back into the room.”

I have a whole slew of questions for the participants that will probably never be answered.  They include, “How much druggage were ya’ll runnin’ up in there?” and “Why were thirteen of you living in an apartment together?”.

Just guess this goes to prove that reality is stranger than fiction.