News Medley

A friend from a now-defunct blog used to do a summary of five ridiculous stories from the last week.  I thought I might experiment with that format, but in an abbreviated form.

1.  Slim-Jim Plant Explodes After Employees “Snap Into It”

Apparently, there is some truth in advertising.  I’m sure the workers at the plant could “feel the excitement” a little more than they might have preferred.

2.  Homicidal Maniac Butchers Logic, English Language

islamic militant

Personal statements, including his admission of guilt in the brutal attack on an Arkansas military recruitment center, were released today by the suspect in the shooting.  Saying his attack was not murder, because it was an “act of retaliation against the U.S. military,” Muslim convert Abdulhakim Mujahid Muhammad went on to claim his actions were “Islamic justified”.

If I were inclined to a bout of irrationality equal to Mr. Muhammad’s, I’d suggest he be given the death penalty on the grounds that it is “grammatically justified”.  Upon hearing his actual statements, one wonders if he had the requisite intelligence to actually read the Koran.

3.  Fisherman Hooks Missile; Keeps as Pet

Rodney the Unstable

Florida fisherman Rodney Salomon caught a military missile while fishing in the Gulf of Mexico.  After keeping it aboard his boat for 10 days, petting it, feeding it, and taking pictures with it, Rodney called the authorities to dismantle the rabid beast.  After dismantling it in an abandoned parking lot, the bomb squad from MacDill Air Force Base commented that it was live, corroded, and in an unstable state.  Just like Rodney.


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