In a move that took the worlds of B-movies and politics by storm, Chuck Norris recently endorsed Mike Huckabee for president. Norris only consented to give his approval after beating the shit political rancor out of Huck with a few of his devastating roundhouse kicks. Taking the beating is impressive in itself, as we all know that Norris’ kicks are infinitely painful.
The hideous bout took place in Norris’ basement beatdown ring, which incidentally served as one of the much discussed (and appropriately outsourced) CIA “interrogation facilities”. Commenting on Huckabee’s fighting prowess, the “star” of Walker Texas Ranger was heard to say, “I kept knocking him down, and he just kept getting up.”
In addition to sharing the common bond that comes from beating the crap out of each other, Mike and Chuck also share evangelical beliefs, and (disturbingly) reject the theory of evolution. As a further boon to Huckabee, Norris brought the infamous Megaforce “Doom-Buggy” out of retirement. The two plan to use it, and its twin cannons, as a replacement for the more traditional–yet disappointingly undeadly–campaign bus.
Some call the pairing a “serious judo chop” to the campaigns of republican and democrat opponents alike, so much so that Hilary Clinton is rumored to be making clandestine attempts to enhance her own political kung fu. Allegedly, the former first lady (and we use that term loosely) has sought the services of Mike Crain, the “Karatist Preacher”. In this battle of wits and fists, only time will tell which mighty duo will prevail.