Flying Spaghetti Monster

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I totally love this guy (not nude Adam, the Spaghetti Monster). Not only because he injects some much needed levity into the far- too-often stuffy world of theology, but also because he gives me openings for ridiculous pick-up lines (should I wish to use them).

If I boldly wanted to go forth and promote the cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I could say all manner of totally inappropriate things to young ladies, and be perfectly protected because I’m exercising freedom of religious expression. I can ask a girl, “Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?” and when she says, “No,” immediately respond, “Well would you like to be touched by mine?”*

There is but one Flying Spaghetti Monster, and I am his prophet!

Observe also the ponderous size of his large, meaty balls. Ladies, would you like to stroke his smooth, supple curves? Wouldn’t you like to stroke mine?

Yes, I know what you like, and it’s better with marinara sauce.

Finally, the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is environmentally friendly, rightly teasing out that the rise in world temperature correlates not only with a rise in CO2, but also a decrease in the number of pirates in the world. Bring back the pirates, and we can thwart global warming! Arrrgh!**

*I do not actually endorse promiscuity or sexual congress outside of marriage. Monogamy and chastity all the way, but without losing our sense of humor : ) .

**Not surprisingly, this would be about as plausible and effective a measure as some of the ridiculous suggestions being made by certain environmentalists (60% reduction in energy use–how is that even possible?!)

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