Assert Your Dominance

It’s been a long week, and one of the best ways I know to de-stress is to visit my parents and do a bit of yardwork.  While moving a pile of sand today, the neighbor’s dog decided it didn’t like my proximity to his territory, and voiced his displeasure.

Normally, I am a patient man.  And my superiority is so glaringly obvious I need not deign to respond to the pathetic slights, insults, and challenges of insecure, lesser creatures.

But there are days when a man is pushed too far, and there is only one way to deal with such impudence…whip it out and urinate on the offending party.  I would never go so far as the Romans (who’d rape conquered peoples to teach them who’s boss), but a little liquid disdain is usually enough to leave someone speechless, especially when it’s coming from my hugeified wang.


I think I’ll list this incident in my gratitude journal, under the heading “More reasons to thank the Lord I’m a man.”

P.S.  I have not actually urinated on any person or animal.  The scene from Wolf, where Jack Nicholson does just that, is rather hilarious.

P.P.S.  The above photo is not a pic of me.  Frankly, I think the dude’s foot may be gangrenous.


2 Responses to “Assert Your Dominance”

  1. abarclay12 Says:

    Ummm, are you saying you wizzed on a small dog with your hugified wang??

    If you are, that is hi-larious. I’m going to read this to my English class right now.

  2. artaban7 Says:

    Well, it was actually a rather large dog, I just couldn’t find any other pictures of poochies showing submission.

    And I might be inclined to use the word “drenched” instead of “wizzed”. I’m thinking about going for the Guinness record for “longest pee”.

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