It’s been a long week, and one of the best ways I know to de-stress is to visit my parents and do a bit of yardwork. While moving a pile of sand today, the neighbor’s dog decided it didn’t like my proximity to his territory, and voiced his displeasure.
Normally, I am a patient man. And my superiority is so glaringly obvious I need not deign to respond to the pathetic slights, insults, and challenges of insecure, lesser creatures.
But there are days when a man is pushed too far, and there is only one way to deal with such impudence…whip it out and urinate on the offending party. I would never go so far as the Romans (who’d rape conquered peoples to teach them who’s boss), but a little liquid disdain is usually enough to leave someone speechless, especially when it’s coming from my hugeified wang.
I think I’ll list this incident in my gratitude journal, under the heading “More reasons to thank the Lord I’m a man.”
P.S. I have not actually urinated on any person or animal. The scene from Wolf, where Jack Nicholson does just that, is rather hilarious.
P.P.S. The above photo is not a pic of me. Frankly, I think the dude’s foot may be gangrenous.