Squirrel Tag, Monkey Toss

I’ve invented a new game (evil smile).  It consists of sneaking up on neighborhood squirrels, then giving them a short tug on the tail.  The secret is to wait until they’re on one side of a tree, then stealthily creep to the opposite before darting around for the tag.  It’s especially gratifying when they let out a startled “Eeep!” before bounding away. 

A friend said the neighbors must think I’m weird. “Think?!” said I, “If they haven’t figured it out by now they’re idiots.” 

Bystanders may blink and shake their heads, but when civilization crumbles in 2012, they’ll be envious of my mad squirrel-hunting skills. 

The mischievous side of me considered taking the game to the next level (“Squirrel Toss”), but I’m not into cruelty to animals.  A man’s gotta have some scruples.  Though it would be awfully hilarious to hurl a startled tree rat at an equally unsuspecting bystander.   So, who thinks I can make the 6:00 news? 

I may just buy one of those toy monkeys that shakes and screams when touched, and play “Monkey Toss” in a crowded park with some friends.  I want to see if we can get  disturbed pedestrians to intervene on the toy’s behalf.  And if I really want to freak people out, I’ll use this guy:


2 Responses to “Squirrel Tag, Monkey Toss”

  1. abarclay12 Says:

    Can you get some video of the squirrel’s “Eeep!” I don’t think I’ve ever heard a squirrel make a noise, and I’d like to hear that.

  2. artaban7 Says:

    ABC- I can always try, though the audio recorder on my camera isn’t the best. My family has a long and sordid history with the squirrel species. One of my great aunts used to shoot ’em and eat their brains.

    Squirrels actually are more prone to scream than “eeep”. The first time I witnessed that was during my undergrad at Vanderbilt.

    A particularly fat bastard was perched on a low-hanging branch, both front paws resting atop his massive paunch (students kept resident squirrels well fed). He was caterwauling at a group of students gathered around him. Normally I’d have put the “fear of Greg” into him, but I was late for my 7:15 (am) class…

    I’m told if you really want to have fun with squirrels, soak a bowl of nuts in some whiskey, then let the little buggers dine. If they attempt any high altitude walking, they sway drunkenly back and forth.

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