I’ve invented a new game (evil smile). It consists of sneaking up on neighborhood squirrels, then giving them a short tug on the tail. The secret is to wait until they’re on one side of a tree, then stealthily creep to the opposite before darting around for the tag. It’s especially gratifying when they let out a startled “Eeep!” before bounding away.
A friend said the neighbors must think I’m weird. “Think?!” said I, “If they haven’t figured it out by now they’re idiots.”
Bystanders may blink and shake their heads, but when civilization crumbles in 2012, they’ll be envious of my mad squirrel-hunting skills.
The mischievous side of me considered taking the game to the next level (“Squirrel Toss”), but I’m not into cruelty to animals. A man’s gotta have some scruples. Though it would be awfully hilarious to hurl a startled tree rat at an equally unsuspecting bystander. So, who thinks I can make the 6:00 news?
I may just buy one of those toy monkeys that shakes and screams when touched, and play “Monkey Toss” in a crowded park with some friends. I want to see if we can get disturbed pedestrians to intervene on the toy’s behalf. And if I really want to freak people out, I’ll use this guy: