Do you know the location of your nearest brothel? I do! Ironically enough, two youth group members have one on their street, five minutes from school. The girls have even been propositioned by johns. I’m not joking.
At a hearing yesterday in City Hall, citizens protested the “establishment’s” liquor license application. I know, who could possibly have objections? Alcohol+harlots=fun for the whole neighborhood, especially the kids.
I had to resist going (to the hearing, not the whorehouse), for the sake of my job. I’ve always had this urge to be held in “contempt of court”. I yearn to recreate the scene from Transformers the Movie (1986, not 2007) during which Hotrod proclaims, “I have nothing BUT contempt for this court!”
As modern society systematically tries to crush the sanity from me (much like poor Hotrod), I find it slightly more difficult to be courteous. So I didn’t go, but rest assured if I had, the proceedings would’ve been interrupted by pithy comments like:
“Your Honor, I’d like to point out it’s a whorehouse…Did I mention IT’S A WHOREHOUSE?!” and,
“SIT DOWN, HO!”
If the license goes through, we’re protesting, and calling a local news station. Or Jerry Springer. Youth Group Night at the Brothel…is that scandal I smell, or several cartons of strategically thrown eggs?